After a long trip home from California we tried to catch up on some overdue sleep.  Life is busy for us right now!  It is house washing season and Ryan has been making houses shine while I am still trying to master the paperwork end of a business and learn how to use photo shop to create ads and marketing material.  I am also learning about web design and SEO stuff.  For someone like myself who is very computer illiterate I feel very proud of slowly figuring out this digital world!  I haven’t owned a television in years and can’t even figure out how to use a modern television so that gives you an idea of how behind the times I am.  I am still working per diem as a dental hygienist in some very nice local offices as well as coaching some incredible ladies who will be crossing the finish line at Vulcans Fury in October!  In the last 4 weeks these women have improved their fitness so much and I am impressed with their determination and ability to stick with the schedule and get their miles in!  We meet once a week to run as a group and work on trail running techniques and they have a schedule that I modify as needed to keep them healthy and to slowly improve fitness.  This is really the highlight of my week!  It is so much fun to go running together and see huge improvements each week!  I am also doing some online coaching for beginners and it is fun to help people achieve their goals and find a new hobby!  On top of all of my working I am also ramping up my mileage again to get ready for Cayuga 50 miler where I hope to have a race where I can actually run instead of stopping a million times to poop or puke.  I also hope I am more acclimated to the heat and don’t have to be held back by it.  Leona Divide was an awesome race but my legs felt way too good on Monday when I went for my run!

Leona Divide-photo courtesy of Singletrack Studio

On Tuesday I had a surgery to replace missing gum tissue from my mouth that I had brushed away.  Being a dental hygienist I am afraid of getting cavities or having a dirty mouth so I do exactly what I tell my patients not to do-I use my toothbrush like a saw.  So, I found an incredible periodontist in Belmont, NH (Dr Sharon Johnson) who used donor tissue to replace what was missing in my upper left quadrant of my mouth.  I did not want to have tissue harvested from the roof of my mouth because the healing is terrible from that and she would not have been able to treat an entire quadrant.  She did an incredible job of making me feel comfortable and even though it grossed me out knowing exactly what she was doing it went very well and then it was just time to start recovering.  There was no running for 24 hours and there was a ton of swelling around my stitches and a lot of bruising.  It was pretty sore too but not as bad as I had expected.  By Wednesday afternoon I was out on easy runs with my clients and it was just a matter of dealing with the discomfort.  I will spare you pictures of my mouth.  I will have the stitches in for 3 weeks.  If you are curious follow this link to see the surgery but it is somewhat gross to look at.  I need three more of these surgeries which will be scheduled after each key race this year.

Smiling at Sleepy Hollow Photo courtesy of Gianina Lindsey

Sunday we had plans to run the Sleepy Hollow race and my only goal was to just get out there and do it.  Ryan is trying to get his mountain goat status so that he can run Mount Washington next year and I was just tagging along and figured I would get a nice fast run in.  We drove to Vermont on Saturday and it was so pretty in Burlington!  I had never been to Burlington and could not believe how pretty it was!  All of the trees were flowering and turning green and the flowers were so bright!  Ryan and I had a nice visit with some friends who live up there and finally met their daughter after 2 years!  It had been way too long!  After a nice visit we went to another friends house and settled in for the night.

We woke up and got a nice breakfast before driving to the race.  The race was Sleepy Hollow and was a mountain race.  There were some fast people there and I had to turn off my race mentality and turn on the fun.  I did not feel fully recovered from the week.  Between Leona Divide, my surgery and lack of sleep I was just looking for a nice fast run.  Ryan and I did a pre race warmup and checked out a part of the course.  I wore my La Sportiva Anakonda’s, La Sportiva team jersey and Andromeda running skirt.  I wore my blue sparkle Choucas Fit headband, and Julbo Dust sunglasses.  I used my UltrAspire handheld bottle before the race.

Hiding my stitches by not smiling!
Photo courtesy of Scott Mason

We lined up at the start and I was chatting with a girl Christin that I met on my warmup run.  She was super nice and it turns out super fast too!  I went out just slightly ahead of her and she took me about halfway up the first climb.  I tried my best to hang on and she dropped me just before the top of the climb.  My legs were on fire!  I thought I was recovered from last weekend and my surgery but apparently I wasn’t.  My mouth hurt a bit but it was more of a nuisance than a hindrance.   My legs did not want to move as effortlessly as they usually do and I could feel the burn in my entire leg.  I had very labored breathing still which is very normal for me after long races.  It can take me up to 2 weeks to breath normally again.  As sluggish as I felt it was very easy to smile and have fun!  I just love racing because there are so many people out there just having a good time!  I feel like I am in the woods with hundreds of people just like me and it is great!

Ryan looking good at Sleepy Hollow! Photo courtesy of Scott Mason

By the time I got to the third hill I was feeling very sluggish and walked a bit of the climb.  My calves were fried so I smiled and jogged/walked my way to the top.  Once I started to descend I got into a nice comfortable rhythm and finished the race.  I was thrilled to finish 2nd woman!  Christin was super fast and I finished about 50 seconds behind her.  I am hoping to be able to run with her sometime!  I also had the opportunity to meet another one of my La Sportiva teammates Josh Ferenc who was the 1st male winner.  I think one of my goals is to meet everyone on the team!  I am sure at some point I will!

We let Jack puppy do some swimming in the pond and he got to meet all sorts of doggies while Ryan and I chatted with so many people!  It was a really fun race and the people there were great!   After chatting with everyone and just enjoying the beautiful day we made the drive home to New Hampshire.  It was a really fun weekend and I am looking forward to getting my pop back in my legs over the next couple of weeks!  Next up:  Soapstone in 2 weeks where I get to see my old Strider friends!  Debbie Livingston puts on an incredible event and Ryan and I are excited to see everyone and run the race!

Me and my La Sportiva and Julbo teamate Josh
Photo courtesy of Gianina Lindsey

I want to finish by thanking my incredible sponsors La Sportiva, Choucas Hats, UltrAspire and Julbo!  Your gear is just amazing and I am so proud to represent such fine companies!  Thank you to Ryan for being my favorite training partner (most days! )  Thank you to my friends who run with me, chat with me and keep me sane, you are all awesome!  Thank you to my Jack Puppy for always reminding me to have fun and be happy!  Thank you to my coach Jack for being such a vital part of my running career, without you I would still be running my annual 50 mile race without training.  It is so much more fun when I train!  Thank you to Meredith for guiding me on my nutritional journey, I am learning so much and becoming healthier every day!  Thank you to Acidotic for letting me be a part of their running club!  Thank you to everyone who inspires me and makes my life so enjoyable!  I am one lucky girl and because of all the wonderful people in my life I am truly able to stay calm and SPARKLE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)

Jack puppy after the race Photo courtesy of Gianina Lindsey

Since January my focus has been on Leona Divide 50 miler.  My training has been relentless and the journey finally came to an ending this weekend.  I had lofty goals of finishing in under 8 hours and honestly felt that it was within my reach.  I was not concerned about where I placed although I was hoping for a slot into Western States but that was not my main focus.  I wanted to race the fast girls and see what it was like to compete in a very competitive field with women from around the country.  I wanted to get my ass handed to me and to run a race that I could be proud of; not for trying to place but for running the best race I could that day.  I had no idea it would turn out the way it did.

Ryan and I had a pretty uneventful flight to LA and arrived very late and literally slept in the rental car at a trailhead.  We landed a bit later than planned and had a breakfast at Dennys at 2:30 am before finding a place to nap.  We got up at 7am and drove to the Lake Hugh Community Center.  There really wasn’t anything going on there yet so we found a cute little breakfast place called Heart and Soul and were treated to awesome coffee and food as well as some very friendly owners and patrons of the restaurant.  They made us feel welcome in their cute little town!

We drove around and checked out parts of the course and could not believe how beautiful it was out there!  The mountains were very pretty and the PCT was so smooth!  After driving around for most of the afternoon we ate some lunch and ran a small part of the course.  It was hot out and the forecast was calling for even hotter during the race.  On our run I knew right away this was not going to be easy.  There is no shade out there and the sun is brighter than I had ever seen before.  We got our race packets, set up our tent and got some dinner.  We were exhausted and really needed sleep.

We settled in for an early night and tried to fall asleep.  One of the guys was sleeping in his car with his two kids who were either running around screaming or got cold and dad decided to start the car to warm up throughout the night.  I took many deep breaths and tried to fall asleep.  Just as I drifted off the people in the tent next to us started blowing up an air mattress with a noisy pump at midnight and then their kid kept talking loud and they had lovely family conversations for about an hour.  We had to be up at 4am and I just wanted to cry.  So much for getting some sleep.  Again, I took a few deep breaths and found patience and acceptance that I would just have to deal with being tired.

Ryan and I got up completely exhausted and lined up at the start.  I wore my La Sportiva Andromeda running skirt, La Sportiva Skyline Race Tank, La Sportiva Helios, Choucas Fit Headband (pink with silver sparkles), UltrAspire Surge and Julbo Dust sunglasses.  There were almost 600 runners spread between the two races and I was getting nervous.  I saw one of my La Sportiva teammates Jenny Capel and introduced myself.  She is a very accomplished runner!  I met a couple of the other girls and they all seemed so nice!  After the pre race briefing which included “Be prepared it is going to be m*f* hot today” we were off.

Post race photop

I ran with Jenny and figured I would try to hang with her as long as I could.  Melanie took off like a rockstar and Tracy and (Emily?) were a bit ahead of Jenny and I.  We chatted and Jenny talked the nerves right out of me.  She reminded me that competition is with yourself and on race day you do your best and just focus on having a good race.  Forget about placing, forget about the time goals and focus on yourself and the trail ahead.  I felt like I was back at Sawtooth with Sheryl Wheeler and learning all over again!  The really cool thing with Sheryl and Jenny is their attitude about racing.  Why do it if it is not fun?  Enjoy the race, be a good ambassador for the sport and have fun!  I was starstruck running alongside of Jenny and thought is was cool to be running with one of my teammates!

I felt good and the pace was very comfortable!  She certainly was much stronger on the descents and flats and it was fun to chase!  The temperature was pretty comfortable when we rolled into aid station #2.  I was doing great with my electrolytes and nutrition to this point.  My legs felt incredible and my spirits were high!  It was so beautiful there!  As we came down the hill into the mile 16 drop bag area I started to feel sick.  It was getting hot and I knew I had to take a pit stop.  Luckily there was a porto potty there and I had a horrific episode of diareah.  This was not a great way to roll into the heat of the day.

I regrouped and ran up the hill until it hit me.  The sun was blaring on the course and it felt like someone instantly turned on the heat.  I have never experienced heat like that and it was supposed to keep getting hotter throughout the day.  I was drinking so much and trying to stay hydrated.  I took a bite of my date and soon found myself vomiting.  As I watched the girls pull away from me up the hill I had to stay focused on taking care of myself.  I caught up with Tracey who I had a nice chat with and we laughed about how hot it was.  She pulled away as I faded back with stomach issues.  I then caught up to the next girl and she was starting to cramp.  We would spend the next several miles flip flopping places as I had to deal with diving off the course to vomit or have diarrhea and she would stop to deal with cramps.  We discussed dropping at mile 29 and I told her I would walk from the turnaround at the next aid station then make a decision on dropping.

view from the course

Soon I was jumping off the trail (the drop-offs are steep and it is not easy to bushwhack to do your business off the trail).  At one point I was leaning against a fallen log with stuff coming out of both ends.  I just cried and cried.  I felt so terrible!  I got back on the trail and made it down to the turnaround at mile 29.  Somehow I was in third place, it was a miracle.  Melanie was wearing tights and was cruising up the hill like it was winter!  Jenny still looked clean and strong and she was not far behind her.  Then I saw Ryan coming up the hill looking beat too.  He was being destroyed by the heat as well.  Most of the people out there were suffering terribly from the heat and all I could think about was how we are all suffering.  When I got to the turnaround I spent a long time at the aid station.  The aid station volunteers had become my “water angels” since aid station #4.  They would have sponges in buckets of ice water and would pour it over me while another filled my bladder and gave me water to drink.  They were angels in my eyes and I wanted to hug them all.

At the turnaround everyone was there with big smiles and one guy had a parrot that he put on my arm while I hung out under the sprinkler they had setup.  I filled my sports bra and skirt with ice and walked up the hill.  I tried jogging the best I could but the hot air hurt my lungs and took my energy away from me.  I just kept telling myself to be strong, that all the strength I needed was right there inside me.  I smiled and soon was on top of the big hill and back on the PCT.  Luckily it was easy running from this point and I was enjoying the partial patches of shade in this section.  By now I had stomach cramps and was going to the bathroom quite frequently but still not peeing.  I was taking electrolytes and trying my best to stay healthy.  When I could I was sip on gel but that usually resulted in vomiting.

I was dreading the very sunny and dusty desert section.  I kept myself entertained by trying to count lizards that ran past me or looking at the views.  The sun was brutal and there was no hiding from it.  I threw up again and as soon as I got off this section had some more issues.  I kept asking myself why I kept going.  Looking back I didn’t want to not finish.  My legs felt awesome even though I was walking a ton and it was the heat that was killing me.  Everyone else was suffering too and this race was about being smart and honestly I wanted to see how tough I really was.

Finally I was back at the drop bags and filled myself up with more ice and went up the long hill.  What was a nice easy running grade became a strenuous hike.  I focused on the finish and knew that is was only about 8 miles away.  I passed a bunch of people curled up under shrubs trying to hide from the sun, had some good laughs with people who were dying in the heat too (we joked around that it felt like winter), I jogged when I could and stopped when my heart started beating erratically or my lungs were burning from the hot air.  My skin felt so burned and my stomach hurt so bad.  I stopped for more gi breaks and when I came to the last aid station I was greeted by smiling volunteers who began pouring ice water on me and giving me water to drink.  I sobbed uncontrollably because I knew I was almost done but also because I could not believe  how these people took such good care of me at the race.  They did all that they could to keep us runners moving forward and smiling.  They had on fun costumes and made us smile.

I thanked them over and over for being there and honestly don’t think many of us would have finished if they didn’t work so hard to keep us safe.  They were my angels that day and just thinking about it makes me cry again.  They gave me a huge bag of ice and told me to go finish.  It was 3.5 miles to the finish and I hugged that bag of ice, crying because I did not even know how to express to the volunteers how much I appreciated what they did all day long.  I am sure it was hot for them as well.

I ran the best I could, passing people as I held tight to my bag of ice.  When I finally saw the finish line I felt like a tired survivor from a shipwreck.  I felt like I was stronger than I have ever been and I was proud to see I finished in 8:31 and in 3rd place.  I had 10 episodes of horrific diarrhea, several episodes of vomiting, thousands of tears left on the course and terrible stomach cramps.  I was glad it was over.  Ryan was at the finish and gave me a hug and a kiss and Jenny and Melanie were there to congratulate me on my finish!  I was emotionally worn from the day.  I didn’t feel like it was a race but instead a battle of being strong and being smart.  My legs didn’t hurt much because I wasn’t able to run much.  I started to feel disappointed about not being able to actually race like I had hoped to but then I took a step back and realized I learned some lessons about myself.  I am way stronger than I ever thought.  I finished this race for myself and my own personal goals.  I finished this race for the people in my life who look up to me and the ones who inspire me.  I finished this race to show my sponsors that I am not a quitter and to hopefully make them proud to have me represent their companies.  Most of all I finished this race to prove to myself that racing is not always about being fast or first but to be strong, keep a smile on your face no matter what and to make smart decisions that sometimes cost you time (staying at aid stations for a long time, walking, etc)

I met so many wonderful people on the trail who made me laugh, who cried with me when the heat was unbearable, who gave me hugs when I needed them, who cooled me down at the aid stations, who encouraged me to keep being strong and I truly believe that anyone who finished Leona Divide this year is a total badass and you should be proud.

Me and Avery on a hike

I need to give a HUGE thankyou to my sponsors.  Without your support I would not have been able to finish this race.  La Sportiva, your clothing is incredible!  It kept me as cool as possible and held the ice in place nicely, the Helios kept my feet comfortable the entire time!  Choucas Hats, your shiny pink headband made so many people smile on the course and it helped me to sparkle even at my lowest points on the course!  It kept the sweat out of my eyes and I would put ice in it at the aid stations.  UltrAspire, if I didn’t have my surge I truly believe I would have been a medical emergency.  Your pack held a ton of water (I drank 6 70 bladders of fluid plus more at aid stations), held my gel flask and electrolyte powder and had my electrolyte pills right there for easy grabbing.  Julbo, your Dust Sunglasses kept my eyes from getting fried in that ridiculously bright California sun.  Thank you to my coach for training me so well not only physically but emotionally.  You are awesome!  Thank you to Meredith for helping me along with my nutrition, you are making me feel so much better than I ever had.  Thank you to my fiance Ryan for believing in me and giving me a huge hug while you were coming up the hill and I was going down the hill.  You gave me the strength to make the decision to keep going.  Thank you to my friends for training with me and always being there!  Adam and Miriam, thank you for  helping out with Jack puppy and getting him to camp for us!  Thank you to all of the incredible volunteers who are all angels in my eyes.  I wish I could give you all a huge hug, you have no idea what your kind deeds and bright smiles did for me.  When I felt my worst I would think about seeing my angels at the next stop.  Thank you to Jenny for being so kind for so many miles and for putting my mind at ease.  You are incredible!  Thank you to everyone who shared conversation on the course and distracted me for a few moments from how terrible I was feeling. Thank you to Acidotic for letting me be a part of their running club.  I am one very lucky girl.

Jack puppy and Cooper are best friends

Yesterday morning I was excited for so many friends and people that I know who were running Boston.  Each person had a separate goal.  Some were raising money for a cause, some were trying to PR, some who were running with friends, some who made qualifying for and running Boston a lifelong goal, others were simply looking to do something fun.  Along with the runners were friends of mine who were spectating, cheering on friends, kids excited to see their parent or grandparent cross the finish line.  In essence they were all celebrating life.

As my schedule allowed I was online checking where my friends were on the course, looking at their happy facebook posts showing so much enthusiasm and excitement in their faces.  These runners had trained for months and their families and friends supported them through all of their training.  Being a runner myself I understand the hard work, sacrifices, dedication and emotional roller coaster we go through during our journey to the finish line.

Our journeys begin the moment we decide to run the race.  We spend hours and days running in the dark, snow, rain, wind, traffic and more.  We all have runs where we want to cry or do cry.  We dream of what it will feel like crossing the finish line.  Some of us cross the line alone while receiving cheers and hugs from strangers who make you feel like a rock star-even if you are dead last.  Others cross the line with family and friends holding signs, weeping tears of joy and pride and waiting for their runner with open arms.  Again, this is a celebration of the human spirit.

Right before I was about to administer an injection to my patient I found out that there was an explosion at Boston and immediately it brought me back to September 11.  I could feel my eyes filling up with tears.  I was in dental hygiene school and walked up to the front desk to get my patient and asked why there was a violent movie on the television.  I soon realized it was the news and I felt so empty.  They had us on lock down and we could not go home to our families.  We had to wait and it was awful.

Yesterday, I felt the same way.  I was trying to remember each person I knew that was running the race. I had friends, acquaintances, teammates, idols, training buddies and patients there running.  I was thinking of each spectator I knew and just prayed that they were okay.  My friends had worked so hard and were so excited to do this run and now it was going to be a memory of feelings I don’t think any of us can piece together.  I felt a sick emptiness in my stomach and my heart was heavy.  I tried to hide my fear and got through the rest of my work day.

Soon it was checking online tracking to see who had finished.  Then it was checking facebook posts, sending emails and text messages.  All I could do was cry.  Why would someone want to hurt anyone!  I can’t even kill an ant without wanting to cry!  I do not know what I am feeling today.  I am angry, I am sad, I am sick, I am determined to be stronger than ever, I am thankful and I am scared.  We need to all work on being happier.  We need to let the evil in this world know that they will not win.  We need to live each day like it is our last and let the people we care about know that we care about them.  Tell them you love them.

Teach patience, teach peace, teach humbleness, teach love and pray each day that we will one day live in a happy place.  The woods offers me so much peace and serenity.  It gives me the solitude I need.  My long runs are my therapy.  For so many people running is an escape from their troubles and  for those few moments they can find true peace within themselves.  I do not know why someone would want to hurt people who are simply celebrating life.  I am sad and completely at a loss for words.  My runs and races will take on a new meaning for me and I am going to try to find a way to make the world a kinder place one runner at a time.